I'm really into asian looking animals
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
