I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
