I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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