its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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