i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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