I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
