Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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