I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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