I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
