I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
