just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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