i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
