so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
pray to the hookup gods
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
