should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
