and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
