never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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