pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't put those talents on a resume
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize