i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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