i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
