Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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