he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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