at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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