when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
