Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize