He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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