dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Randomize
