I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Someone shattered a urinal.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
