I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
