The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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