It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
