part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
