I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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