Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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