what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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