shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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