Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
