I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
