How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
