I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
