a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
