Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
