You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
