How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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