guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize