So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
