Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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