you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
