when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
