I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
