Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize