Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
