My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
