You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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