i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
