It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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