The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I touched a dick in church today
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
