I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
