I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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