So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
