clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
