And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize