found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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