I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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