Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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