Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As shirtless as possible
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
