They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
