we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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